Mojo crossing
Q: Why did chicken in the Jim Morrison shirt cross the road?
A: To break on through to the other side.
Oil rush
Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the Shell station!
Career advice
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
–Drew Carey
That’s the way to go
“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather–who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the
passengers in his bus.”
–Author Unknown
Belt and braces approach
A business man packing for a trip glances in his briefcase.
“Honey?”
“Yes, darling?”
“Honey,” he says, in mild exasperation, “why do you persist in putting a condom in my briefcase every time I go on a trip? You know I only have eyes for you. I’d never be unfaithful.”
“Oh, I know, darling, and I trust you,” she replies sweetly. “It’s just that, well you know, with all those terrible diseases out there, it would make me feel better to know that if anything did happen, you’d be protected. So please, darling, take it with you, won’t you? For my peace of mind?”
“Oh, alright, if you put it that way,” he relented. “I’ll do it for you. But for safety’s sake, give me more than one.”
Productive office
A secretary walked into her boss’s office and said, “I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you.”
“Why do you always have to give me bad news?” he complained. “Tell me some good news for once.”
“Alright, here’s some good news,” said the secretary. “You’re not sterile.”
