HippyCentral

“The Democratic candidates are having a debate sponsored by the senior citizens group AARP. It was just like all the other debates except the moderator asked the same questions over and over.”

— Conan O’Brien

“The U.N has evidence of global warming. And right now they are working hard, around the clock to do nothing about it.”

–Dave Letterman

“President Bush helped dedicate an aircraft carrier named after his father. Isn’t that nice? He christened the ship by saying, ‘It’s great to be here on the USS Dad.'”

—Conan O’Brien

“The Wal-Mart chain is refusing to sell a book written by WWF superstar Mankind because the book contains a picture of a naked elf. Everywhere Wal-Mart shoppers are asking themselves the same question, “What’s a book?”

—Craig Kilborn

It’s 3:00 A.M. and Goldie wakes up to see her husband pacing the floor. “Morris, why can’t you sleep?” she asks him.

“You know our next door neighbor, Sam. I borrowed $1000 from him, and it’s due tomorrow morning and I don’t have the money. I don’t know what I’m going to do.” Morris replies.

Goldie gets out of bed and opens the window. “Sam!” she shouts, and several times more, “Sam! Sam!”

Finally a very groggy Sam opens the window opposite her and yells back, “What, what is it? It’s 3 AM, what do you want?”

Goldie says, “You know the $1000 my husband owes you? He doesn’t have it.”

She then slams the window shut and turns to Morris and says, “Now you go to sleep and let Sam pace the floor.”

So it’s official – Budweiser is full of bad artificial stuff. If you don’t like drinking genetically altered booze – tell the bud brewers. Better still, I say drink a real beer – lagerboy!