HippyCentral

We had sparky-poppy-bangy-explosions going on in our hall.

Damn good excuse for not going in work!

I was just about to leave for work on Friday, when I spotted a firework display going off in the hallway in my house. I called the gas people (it was right by the gas meter) but no – not gas. I called an electrician, and this pic tells the story. 1980’s wiring had given up the ghost. It was only luck that nothing but dust had caught fire.

Oh, the piece of wire you can see there – it wan’t cut by human hands – it just fell off in a flash of sparks when the electrician (I’ve mentioned “Phil” before) opened up the plug socket.

Ok, so I’m uninspired. It’s still worth a read (especially if you’re a cat/dog lover).

That’s not a person who loves a hybrid creature of cat & dog (a fox?), but a cat lover, a dog lover, or someone who loves both.

“Excerpts From The Dog’s Daily Diary”

8:00 am – Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9:30 am – Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!

9:40 am – Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!

10:30 am – Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!

11:30 am – Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!

Noon – Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!

1:00 pm – Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!

4:00 pm – Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!

5:00 pm – Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!

5:30 pm – Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!

6:00 pm – Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

6:30 pm – Oh Boy! Sleeping in master’s bed! My favorite!

“Excerpts From The Cat’s Daily Diary”

Day 283 Of My Captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing
that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the
mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional
piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving
around their feet while they were walking almost
succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In
an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit
on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless
body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am
capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts.
They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.
I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However,
I could hear the noise and smell the food. More
importantly I overheard that my confinement
was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what
this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and
seems more than happy to return. He is obviously
a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be
an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am
certain he reports my every move. Due to his current
placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time. . . .

Stolen from : http://archives.gophercentral.com/newsletter_10.html

I must have something wrong in my head.

How come the only jokes that move me to share them are the really bad ones? Here’s an example:

I knew I had been in the military too long when my five-year-
old daughter sang her version of “Silent Night.” It went like
this: “Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright,
Round yon virgin mother and child, Holy infantry, tender and
mild…”

[Borrowed from Clean Laffs (http://archives.gophercentral.com/newsletter_88.html), who borrowed from Reader’s Digest.]

Ok, I know I grumble a lot (hey, what else are blogs for?) but this one is right near the top of the list:

Wrongly placed or inappropriate apostrophes. It makes my blood boil. They’re really simple to use, so get it right for gawds sake people!!

Here’s a fun’ny carto’on about ’em.

https://addons.mozilla.org/firefox/3792/

A nifty timer to help keep you on the edge of your seat. Vital for every thinking person in the civilised world.

Helen and Amanda were discussing their busy schedules. Helen said, “Amanda, I must ask you something. Every day I feel incredibly run down and tired. And yet, I see you looking as fresh as a rose. I have to know: what’s your secret?” “My secret? Every morning, without fail, I wake up at six o’clock sharp.” “You wake up at six o’clock?”

“Yes, and then I look at the clock, see what time it is, and go back to sleep for another four hours.”

Hippy New Year.