Hippy is as hippy does
Q: What did the farmer say when he saw his cows coming over the hill?
A: “Here come my cows coming over the hill.”
Q: What did the farmer say when he saw the cows coming over the hill wearing sun glasses?
A: He didn’t say a thing. He didn’t recognize them.
A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors. “Doctor, I don’t feel too good,” said the little paper bag.
“Hmm, you look OK to me,” said the Doctor, “but I’ll do a blood test and see what that shows, come back and see me in a couple of days.”
The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results.
“What’s wrong with me?” asked the little paper bag. “I’m afraid you are HIV positive!” said the doctor.
“No, I can’t be I’m just a little paper bag!” said the little paper bag.
“Have you been having unprotected sex?” asked the doctor.
“NO, I can’t do things like that – I’m just a little paper bag!”
“Well have you been sharing needles with other intravenous drug users?” asked the doctor.
“NO, I can’t do things like that – I’m just a little paper bag!”
“Perhaps you’ve been abroad recently and required a jab or a blood transfusion?” queried the doctor.
“NO, I don’t have a passport – I’m just a little paper bag!”
“Well”, said the doctor, “are you in a homosexual relationship?”
“NO! I told you I can’t do things like that, I’m just little paper bag!”
“Then there can be only one explanation.” said the doctor.
“Your mother must have been a carrier.”
“I have opinions of my own – strong opinions – but I don’t always agree with them.”
– George Bush
Q: What animals are on legal documents?
A: Seals
Q: What is it that even the most careful person overlooks?
A: Their nose
A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. “Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she’s given you two $100 bills. Now, here’s where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?”
—Henny Youngman
We had built our dream house several years ago, and furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them. Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway.
“Finally!” I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the driver walked up to the house. “I’ve been waiting twelve years for this!”
“Don’t blame me, lady,” he said. “I just got the order this morning.”
